Autorin, Aktivistin & Poetess – Aktuelles Buch: "111 Gründe, eine beste Freundin zu haben"

I am staying at a downtown hotel in Chicago with a close friend whom I happened to have a conversation with about something as simple as coffee. For her, it was really important to only have “good coffee”, she therefore was very skeptical about the one I prepared in our room. Jokingly I said to her that I only wanted good things, going:

“If you want a man, you want to have a good one, right? Not some asshole that happens to come along! If you eat something, you want it to be good, right? I definitely won’t eat shit!”

She felt that I was making a good point as I took a sip and thought about the many conversations I have had during a really intense week at the TN2020 Summit. It seems like I have always been talking about the essentially same issue or rather question: what do you really want?

For example the decision someone had to make about moving to another continent for a person who wants to be with him or her only if  he or she became a part of the plan this person has made for her life. I would then ask that person to imagine the results of that decision in 1, 2 or 5 years. What would it feel like? Would you be happy? Would there be regrets if you didn’t give it a try? How important is a relationship to you? What and who do you need in your life to be happy? Is there an in-between option? Can you live with someone else laying out the rules? What happens if it doesn’t work out? Etc.

In the end I did post a statement of it being really vital that the wishes, needs, and wants of every partner in a relationship are heard and honored (this doesn’t necessarily mean fulfilled, there’s a difference).

As I am enjoying my very good cup of coffee I remember Iyanla Vanzant once telling me that you always have to learn what you teach, I reflect on my statement and the big question: what do I really want? Would I be happy if my life continued the way it is right now? Is anything not as good as it could be? Am I settling? Could I possibly be eating shit myself? Am I just making shit look nice by pretending it to be chocolate pudding and putting some soy cream on top?

But then that’s just the first step. And the next one is much scarier. Because as you decide to honor yourself you will have to act on that. And probably let go of stuff, of people, of circumstances that made you feel safe (and maybe miserable at the same time). The really hard part is to follow through, as the prize is not always waiting right around the corner. You need to risk experiencing lack, because you will have to be serious about letting go, before something new – and better – can enter your life (that is, unless you grab onto the next best thing out of fear). But we all have to face this question on a daily basis: how much life do I want to get out of my life? What do I really want? And finally: Am I considering myself important enough to take a risk while striving for more?

I won’t eat shit! Do you?